At first, it was easy-ish for me to go about closing her accounts, transferring things into mine and The Momma's name and getting the business-end of things done. I honestly can't tell you how I did it. I was even able to bag up her clothes and linens and take them to Goodwill. I felt accomplished, like I was getting things done. I think I was still numb.
All of that ambition has taken a nosedive. I feel so overwhelmed with everything that needs to get done at her house so we can sell it. In the past few weeks, every time I go there, I can't do anything. Today I tried going through her sewing things and I spent 1/2 hour sorting through all the stuff to find buttons. Buttons! Why did I do that? Why couldn't I just gather all sewing paraphernalia and put it in one place to let some estate-saler go through themselves?
Because the buttons, these Things, were important to Grammy. She spent her whole life sewing buttons and keeping the spare ones "just in case." As silly as it sounds, I couldn't let them go without gathering them all together. I did that with all her other sewing notions too. It's not that I have an emotional attachment to the Things themselves, and if it was anyone else's house, I wouldn't think twice about tossing them. I can't tell you how many times The Momma and I got on Grammy for having so much "stuff" and how we would be so happy to help her get rid of things.
But I am at the point where I cannot separate the Things from Grammy. Now when I go to her house, I am lost. I can't decide what to toss, what to give away and what to try to sell. My emotions are clouding my judgement. I end up spending a half-hour sorting buttons then losing it emotionally. I can't do it anymore. I miss her so much, but I have to keep going back to that house and make decisions about her Things. It just keeps tearing my heart even more.
So, here comes the favor...
I am not sure how to phrase this, but I'll try. What I need is for my friends to come to Grammy's house, go through everything and make the call whether to sell it, toss it or give it away. The Momma and I know what we want to keep, but everything else needs to go one way or another. The Momma and I are going to be at the house on Saturday, August 18th at 10am. A couple of The Momma's coworkers have said they'd come too. If you are in the Portland area and could spare a couple hours on a Saturday morning it would mean the world to me and The Momma. Just come over, tell me what needs to be given away, thrown away, what could possibly sell at an estate sale and what you would like to take home with you. I promise you I will not be offended if you honestly think something should be thrown away. I need that honesty so that it leaves my heart out of the decision-making process.
I'm not asking for any type of commitment, so you don't need to feel obligated. I know it's summer and people are super busy. I will be at her house on August 18 at 10am regardless if anyone else can come. Her house is in the Meadowland Manufactured Home Park on SE 160th and Powell Blvd. Her house is to the right, #17. You can call or text me for directions.
It makes me uncomfortable to ask for help, but I need to swallow my pride and ask now. I want this part to be over with so that soon I will never need to go back into her house again. If I don't have to see her Things, I feel like I will be able to move on a little, even tiny, bit.
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