dear katherine heigl

Dear Katherine Heigl,  

Hi there. You don't know me, but I have a small request that I would appreciate if you would consider...

Please stop making the same movie over and over again.

We all get it; you are the cute girl who is awkward and charming but unlucky in love. You fall in love with the wrong guy while the right guy is right there the whole time. We know that in the end you will end up with the right guy after painful-to-watch mishaps and some kooky antics. True, I have not seen 27 Dresses, The Ugly Truth, Killers or any of the other films in your resume since I do not waste my money on seeing your movies in theaters or clog up my Netflix queue with your painfully predictable drivel. However I must ask you to please stop taking precious commercial air time for your insipid movies from the Old Spice Guy and the Geico commerical with the little piggy going wee wee wee all the way home. If you'd like some tips on what comedy looks like, look no further than these 30-second spots of comic genius.

I am not unreasonable. I understand that actors can change and take on very interesting roles that are worthy of my time and money after some rough starts in show business (i.e. Tom Hanks in Bosom Buddies). So I will retract this comment once I see that you have made something that doesn't make my intelligence hurt. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

jenna